Friday, February 17, 2012

so, basically i am way sad. i have moments where im not thinking about how sad I am and what happened and what happened to me and how the one person who was there didnt give a shit and the one who should have cared didnt.


but it takes great change to grow sometimes and maybe thats what i need right now.

as hard as that is to deal with. as sad as i am about it right now, it may all be worth it in the long run.

i wasnt looking for love, or the perfect person. and I thought i had found that, but all signs point to im better off without all of these people.

still sucks right now tho.

but if nothing else im really not looking for that bring on the possibilities.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

doing that thing that I do

not a reference to the movie, but when im all sad ill just listen to the same song, or songs inn this case, over and over again.

with Chad it was often something corporate's constantain, or movie life's hey.

with Paul it's goyte's someone i used to know and sister crayon's cover futile devices.

this hurts so much. my life is a wreck. i don't know what to do anymore.

Monday, February 6, 2012


tomorrow i am messaging Paul.

i have to. i miss him....

Sunday, February 5, 2012

shits all fucked up

you know when everything's going great and you start to let your guard down....

well i let my guard down and literally got fucked for it. yet again someone takes advantage of drunk shawna, only this time it hurt me and Paul.

our fantastic 3 days of being in a relationship are already over because he didnt believe me when I said that I didnt want it.

for the best really, plus trust being lost this early on sucks and its pointless to carry on. 

oh and johni and Adam got married... so that's not going to be awkward. i think I may move out. but we'll see. i won't be back down there again until March so that's good. lots of work. =| itll help keep my mind off of things.

im going to yoga twice today. i need to recenter on what's important. im also going to look into getting a ring for myself. as a reminder to stay myself for me... not anyone else.

maybe I jumped into the whole dating thing too soon. i wasn't ready so I fucked it up.

fuck. this sucks.

but on the plus,this place has amazing bagels  =)

Friday, February 3, 2012