Wednesday, May 8, 2013


sometimes i feel like i need to rip my heart out... wrench it around a few times... and see if it will start working again.

I need to realize that:
I will never understand people. Most often it is the 'why' that cannot be solved for.

im sad. im scared. i just want to run away and be alone.

start: pushing every one far far away.

Friday, May 3, 2013


i am healthy

i am smart

i work out

i eat well, well most of the time


i dont practice safe sex

maybe its because enough people have called me a slut that i decided to see what it was like.

   - unfulfilling
   - depressing
   - lonely

but i know what good sex is now; i know what it should feel like; and I know how to do it well

but now i have an std; luckily it should be a mild one, easily fixed. thank goodness

but kind of a wake up call

like hey sexy, healthy girl, maybe get some fucking standards? maybe actually date someone before taking your clothes off.

fuck. you are an idiot.

and you know what sounds so much better than sex?
  - someone to call/txt when i need to
  - someone that wants to hear about my day
  - having a 'someone' there to help me through.

well. heres hopging that on monday ill learn that its just a scare and i havent infected a number of people.

=\ ::fingers crossed::