Monday, July 25, 2011

drinking water from a wine glass

its not that I cant sleep so much, its that i dont want to. I really like this apt, I like the memories and I like having my own space. =/ not like I wont have it there, I dunno

got my first period today, well first one using the pill! hurray for not being prego.

i feeel empty inside and sad, and like im drained a lot. i guess you could say today has ended on a bad note,

its like I had so much stuff to do and now I dont and now I dont know what to do with myself. like the people that i knew know me as this busy person, that never needed to be talked to or checked on. Like oh shawna shes totally fine, dont even worry about it.

but I dont think im ok.

also I got bangs cut into my hair yesterday, that was a bad idea. at least I feel like I look as ugly as I am on the inside =\

Gosh look at all that positive im giving myself. fuck shawna. really?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

थे थिर्द मोर्निंग आफ्टर थिस वीक

I am unsure how long drinking in the evening can satiate my need for actual love in my life.

I know that I am having a good time, but there is always sexual tension. Which I don't get because either people need to be more open about having sex and there would be less, or they need to keep that shit in their pants for at least the first five seconds of meeting someone.

Its not like i'm doing anything, but it keeps confusing me in the mornings, when I think about the goings on of the previous night.

Why do conversations of adults always end up back a sex? Maybe that's why I feel that I am boring is because I know that there is more out there, but no one wants to talk about that. Or I dont know how to guide the conversation toward more meaningful outcomes?

But then at the same time, why worry about having a meaningful conversation when I am just worried about getting laid. haha Girls got needs! But isn't sex so much better when there is more than a fleeting physical desire?

well i'm glad I got that out of my head, now to get some coffee and a bagel.