First 30 days

Link to writing from the same time period.

April 15, Day 1 - https://youtu.be/cvygAuhmZI0

April 16, Day 2 - https://youtu.be/J2_WQ6y2S58

April 17, Day 3 - https://youtu.be/yjCcUSjNCQ0

April 18, Day 4

April 19, Day 5 - https://youtu.be/Hj3T9674hx0

April 20, Day 6 - https://youtu.be/bjFKbKJOrFQ

April 21, Day 7 - https://youtu.be/SouJCeaZqi0

April 22, Day 8 -

April 23, Day 9 - https://youtu.be/r5s_4iCdzV0

April 24, Day 10 - https://youtu.be/mZco_pBjSO8

April 25, Day 11 - https://youtu.be/NeDStrFs-ZE

April 26, Day 12 - https://youtu.be/6rKoMJJXjcE

April 27, Day 13 -

April 28, Day 14 - https://youtu.be/sELP0kLm8pQ

April 29, Day 15 - https://youtu.be/yFHED0Lfy04

April 30, Day 16 - https://youtu.be/UEjNfD3Hhd0

May 1, Day 17 - https://youtu.be/pcmVY5n54bY

May 2, Day 18 - https://youtu.be/yV0pt3xB_Sw

May 3, Day 19 - https://youtu.be/EV8M4hV5I-s

May 4, Day 20 - https://youtu.be/KbzMvRmnFO0

May 5, Day 21 - https://youtu.be/YmfJpNSFuqg

May 6, Day 22 - https://youtu.be/65rMRDiqkpw

May 7, Day 23 - https://youtu.be/vWBUG2qZNiI

May 8, Day 24 - https://youtu.be/2GPQyNK_IpU

May 9, Day 25 - https://youtu.be/TFjwW_hXqX0

May 10/11, Day 26/27 - https://youtu.be/enO2p2iYal8

May 12, Day 28 - https://youtu.be/JCT2IQz9NI0

May 13, Day 29 - https://youtu.be/8ECLwjVADrE

May 14, Day 30 - https://youtu.be/motoRXNgH9Y

can't sleep

my whole self hurts

.....

everyday i feel more ugly, useless, disgusting, worthless than the day before.
e.
v.
e.
r.
y.
d.
a.
y.

i hate myself a little bit more for how much i allow other people to influence how i feel.

i hate.

sex

i have too many friends that i have sex with. i have sex with all of them. boys, girls, whoever. its casual, its fun. but now its not.

i have herpes. or i might have herpes or whatever.

now i have to tell all of these people that want to continue to have sex with me (1) to get tested and (2) if they are neg they probably don't want to have sex with me.

and i thought i didn't have friends before.

decisions

i feel like i keep making bad decisions.

8/2

i  just want to sit and cry

forget

sometimes i forget. i forget that any of it ever happened. i forget i was ever that close with another person. i forget living there. i forget being on my own. i forget how in love i was. how happy i was. i forget how excited i was for the future. i forget crying so hard it hurt. that i couldnt breathe. i forget how quickly that can all change. i forget how it felt.

and then i remember and its like the years havent passed and i havent grown stronger and i havent survived